Help! I’m Alarmed!
I’m probably the only one in the world that can get tickled walking around Tesco. As you leave, the certain doors have signs on them saying “This door is alarmed.” I’d like to have a t-shirt with a picture of that sign, but changed to say “This human is alarmed.” But then I’m easily amused, and it really wouldn’t matter to me if no one else thought it was funny.
So I realise recently that I’ve been getting alarmed about all the wrong things. Not that it’s something I do all that often. I’m a fairly laid back kind of girl. The other day the veins in my knuckles turned black (in a rather rapid and sci-fi sorta way) and then my fingernails turn purple, and the palms of my hands go blue and then, being slightly alarmed, I go show hubby, who decides to call the hospital (where I’d just had surgery). Meanwhile, WHUMP, I’m unconscious. Drama drama fun fun.
So what do they say? Oh, that’s what happens when you’re going to pass out. If it gets worse (Umm, like how?) then call your General Practitioner. Okay, sure. To be fair, I was two days past a general anaesthetic, which makes one prone to faint and also makes one particularly gullible.
I went ahead and made an appointment with my GP and told her about the Star Trek hands, and she frowned the way she does, but didn’t comment much beyond that except to say, “Hmm, bad circulation.”
And then… and this is the whole point here….
“I’m alarmed at how much weight you’ve lost since I last saw you.”
“Alarmed?” says I, “I’m fricken overjoyed!” Okay, I didn’t really say that, but I thought it. I make a habit of never smarting off to people who control my health, my food, or my money.
I’ve been struggling with my health for a little while, and I make a huge point of not whinging and just getting on with things. Because, in fact, no one else cares, and I really don’t like sympathy. So we’re all better off this way. But at this I draw the line. The ONE good thing that’s come out of this ordeal, (me dropping 25 pounds) and it alarms her. #-o
I’m starting to suspect I’ve spent my entire life getting alarmed at all the wrong things. Like, the fact that the UK has had 5 men held hostage in Iraq for 6 months, and we’re JUST NOW hearing about it, because the hostage-takers released a video. The Foreign Office is condemning the kidnappers for this, but I want to send them a thank you note (the video thing, not the kidnapping, duh). Because our own government doesn’t seem to want to tell us what’s going on. Am I the only one that thinks this? I must be, because the news agencies didn’t bother to bring it up.
I’m alarmed at the fact that my son was not given any books at school, but instead seems to be expected to look everything up on the internet for himself. But the Minister for Education keeps talking about how much money they’re spending on schools and how much better things are getting. So apparently I have nothing to worry about. Alarm misfire #2.
And yes, I confess, I was alarmed at the Star Trek hands. But no, according to medical science (and the woman behind the big desk) it’s the fact that I’m 30% less tubby that I should be worried about. ???
I wish someone would just give me a manual to go with this alarm system, so it wouldn’t keep firing off at all the wrong things. But as a side note: screw that… 30% less tubby! Woohoo!
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I am alarmed that you won’t have those t-shirts made up fast enough and someone else will steal your idea and make a fortune. Matching shirts has never been my thing, but I would get one for me and one for my sister and we would wear them everywhere. People who know us would applaud. Hope your health report is good, despite your light dismissal. It is alarming.
When I spend too much time outside I read/see/hear way too much for my own good, and I go right through alarmed straight into “they are conspiring against us, and if you don’t agree with me you’re one of them.” So I try to stay indoors with my piano and my computer and stick to funny sites with teddy bears and such.
I used to want to smack people in the head when they would shout at me from their Lexus while Beth and I were struggling to make ends meet, “At least you have your health.” But then I spent 18 months without my health a couple of years ago and I guess they were right. I hope you’re feeling good, Jayne, whatever size undies you are wearing.
Put me down for TWO, no, THREE, make it FIVE of those T-shirts–I’ll pay cash in advance.
One for each of my daughters-in-law: Texanna Red will wear hers loudly and proudly, and ever-dam-body can kiss her ass; the little Hillbilly Sweetheart will sweat and strain in hers, as she works out every day and LIVES in t-shirts; our snooty UP-town Girl will wear hers with loads of diamonds sitting on heated leather seats, carpooling. The other two are for me: a Large for right now, but throw in an Extra-Large for if I put back on those pounds I dropped last Summer. Otherwise, I’ll sleep in it.
Yer Doc is an idiot!
I may have shown a touch of concern over the passing out incident myself.
Just hit the snooze button!
(or pull out the the plug! )
This was a free consult.;)
PUt me down for a tshirt…the hand thing?? are they going to tell you anything else about that?
Your Star Trek hands sound scary!
But a 30% weight loss is so huge! Congrats! I mean, you should go see a doctor, that’s unhealthy… yeah right.
What’s the weight loss secret? Or, is it that you patent the T-shirts in extra large sizes for women only who then look as though they have dropped 25lbs? I think you may be on to something here – at least then you can buy your son the school books this shoddy government refuses to do…
Heh, Agnes, sadly the “secret” is worse, IMO, than being tubby, which is to have some condition that makes you puke if someone provides you with food that could be considered “tasty”. However, I do seem to do all right with ice cream. Thank god. I miss chocolate!
And Beanie, I’m afraid I haven’t lost 30% of my body weight, but 30% of my excess weight. LOL. Big difference! However, even if they come and tell me I have an incurable brain cloud, I will not not not be upset about that particular symptom!
now that is a frightening picture. oh my.
just so you know, I TOTALLY care about your health. and yer star trek hands.
and if I lost 25 pounds, i’d still be overweight.
depressing. sigh.
I am alarmed at this post.