Regretsy

I have a few regrets in my life, but not many. Most of the time I can acknowledge that I was doing the best I could with the knowledge and understanding that I had at the time. That’s really the best we can expect of ourselves.

I regret a few relationships, but then I suppose what I truly regret is that the other person turned out to be such jackasses. I  Sometimes I know my words were sharper than was truly kind, but my friends are always forgiving, and the people who get offended beyond redemption were usually looking to get offended anyway. I had one person huff and stomp around me for six months before they finally found something that allowed them to say “Ha! See, this proves what I’ve been thinking all along!”

Another relationship once was a source of deep fondness and affection. But it ended when I didn’t have the sense to make a clean break. Now that it’s over, it’s hard to see the past with anything but regret. I miss the pleasant reminiscence I used to enjoy.

Now I awkwardly transition to the funny bits, which were in fact the whole point today. (Keep your arms and legs in the vehicle as we pass through my stream of consciousness.) So bear with me as I leap from thoughtful to mockful.

Before I get into the mockage portion of the post, let me preface by saying that I have made many things that have turned out disastrously: sweaters that didn’t fit, bread that didn’t rise, Halloween costumes that barely stayed together through the 6 hour period for which they were designed, watery pies, unsaleable manuscripts, burned cookies, horrid poems, coded scripts that wouldn’t parse, plans that failed utterly.

I don’t mock people for trying and failing. In fact, striving in the face of the unknown is admirable. What I do laugh about is people who fail in their efforts and then trying to make money from the resultant disasters. That’s why I like the philosophy of Cake Wrecks. Anyone can make a hideous cake, but it takes a special something to charge money for it.

And then I discovered Regretsy. Most of you are probably familiar with the website Etsy, which is sort of an eBay for hand crafted items. I’ve seen many charming handmade items, and even purchased some hand-dyed yarn.

Regretsy, on the other hand, has the tagline: Handmade? It looks like you made it with your feet. If you want to have a good solid hour of laughing your ass off, go look at some of the items that people have tried to sell on Etsy (and then have subsequently ended up on the spoof site Regretsy.)

Probably my favourite is the Meerkat Manger, a Christmas nativity scene done with, umm, knitted meerkats. That’s just hilarious, any way you slice it. But there are also sweaters for chickens. (Yes, I mean made FOR chickens, not OF, BY, WITH or FROM chickens.) There’s also the macabre, evidenced in the item “Thoracic Park” which is a Halloween decoration made of real human bones.  (Now there is an item you don’t see in Hobby Lobby.)

One that will make you spit your coffee onto your computer screen is an item described as Amish Porn. (WARNING, this picture is not safe for work, young folks, or anyone who doesn’t want to end up gouging out their own eyes.)  Although, I tell ya, I’ve been tempted to buy this for my mom, a chick who appreciates other people’s oddity as much as I do.  Christmas is just around the corner! The only reason I don’t is that I’m afraid she might hang it on her wall. She would too.

So, there you have it. This one is definitely going on my blogroll. Enjoy.