I realise that I haven’t been funny in a while. Not that nothing funny has happened in a few months. I mean just the other day ten police officers were hurt in a clothing sale. Of course it’s not funny that people were hurt. It’s just funny why they got hurt. Short answer: cuz people are idiots.

And Sarah Palin “helping” John McCain get re-elected in Arizona was pretty hilarious too. I like the part where she told the crowd he was probably at the original tea party. Yes, remind people that he’s really old. When I saw the video clip the expression on his face was priceless. It read something like: shoot me. Speaking of guns, hearing her explain that “reload” is code for “vote” amused me, but more in an eye-rolling way.

The truth of it is, even the story of the man who gave mouth-to-mouth to road kill or the woman who pretended to be an FBI agent and got her neighbours to act as her ‘assistants’ (that was the best part really) failed to really get me in the mood to blog mockily.

Although there are lots of dumb people out there to give me material, most of it has just been putting me in a bad mood. What with the calls for violence and then the lame “we never said that” non-retractions, the division, the vitriol, the flat out lies… the wars and death… the scandals and hypocrisy… the inability to see ourselves reflected in the insults we hurl… Ugh.

Good news though, I saw something that gave me the warm, comfortable feeling that I am not the only one who wants to turn to certain people and say “oh for fucks sake shut up… you’re making us all look bad.”

So, enjoy this little moment. It’s non-partisan and guaranteed to make you feel just a bit better. If it doesn’t work, then when you’re done, make your own ceiling cat and put it over the bed of someone you live with. Preferably while they’re sleeping.

I can’t even remember how I got to the site God Hates Protesters yesterday, but this sign (BELOW…the one to the left I made myself as a tribute to the comedic genius who wrote the real one) was absolutely priceless, so I just had to share. The signs I’ve been seeing on TV shows about recent US political protests both frighten me and crack me up at the same time, which really is quite a feat.

The one below, though, had the unintended (I would think) effect of making me keep score. I scored a 10. I felt rather smug about it too. Not saying which ones… gotta have some sense of mystery about me, but I’ll give you one (in case it wasn’t obvious): Loud Mouthed Women. I really loved that one. I should have a T-Shirt made!

And his creative use of apostrophes! I wonder if this guy is single. If so, man, what a catch!

My favourite response to this question comes from Elayne Boosler when she said, “Go To Hell. ” But then there are others who say that America isn’t ready, because somehow a person capable of running for office isn’t capable of dealing with accusations of being a lesbian . Now I’m not a big Clinton supporter, but you have to agree that it says something for someone when the worst insult they can come up with is to say you’re tough, bitchy, and probably a lesbian. Note that among those “insults”, nobody has called her stupid.

So it’s journalists that are asking the dumb question, and not “real” people, but just to play along, what would they, the voting American public, have to do to get ready?

I suppose it depends on what you think might happen when a woman gets elected. We’ve had female leaders in the UK and around the world, and I don’t think it required that they reprint all the ballots in pink, nor did they have to close down the government one week out of four. Amazing, huh?

I suppose the biggest thing that needs to be decided before an American woman can become president is what to call her husband. The First Gentleman? That sounds… ridiculous. However, considering that there is only one woman running for president, and were she to win, her husband will be called, as he is entitled to be called for the rest of his life, President Clinton, then it really isn’t something we need to struggle with for a few more years.

Therefore, there will be no bitter rants today.

Okay except one.  I’d love for the current MP’s to take this damned test.  If they don’t score the requisite 75% pass rate, they should have their asses kicked out.  A lot of it isn’t that hard, but some is quite obnoxious.

If you’re British (and without googling, please) tell me if you know the following:

1.  A Quarter of the population of UK are children and young people up to the age of 19 (T/F)

2.  When did Britain become part of European Economic Community? (Mulitple Choice: 1979, 1949, 1973, 1987)

3.  What is the ethnic minority population in England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland?

4.  What percentage of the British population is Christian?

5.  What percentage of the Christian population of Britain is Roman Catholic? (There are also questions on other religions and sects that are smiliar.)

These aren’t the most obnoxious ones… just the ones off the top of my head.

I really don’t mind taking the test.  I think it’s a good idea and promotes Britishosity and all that jazz….

But I think they should only ask questions that, umm, British people would be able to answer easily.  If they can’t… either the British education system isn’t what it should be, or the test isn’t really what it purports to be.

/end rant
/begin study

I can’t stand blogs about politics.  Seriously.  I want to love them.  I’m politically active, and it’s kinda my thing.  I love feeling like I know what’s going on in the world.  But have you visited these places?

Ugly, hostile, and polarised.  It’s probably a reflection of how we’re actually thinking these days, but when I meet up with friends and we discuss politics, no one gets nasty and calls me names and tracks my IP address.  But it’s not just blogs… someone mentions politics in a chat room of any sort, and I quickly avert my eyes.

It’s sad to feel drummed out of town simply because I want to avoid nastiness.  I do wonder why we can’t talk about things that matter without all the vitriol.  Especially when the truth of the matter is, most of us are feeling hard-done-by by ALL politicians.  You know, those people we elect that are supposed to look out for our interests?

I’m not saying “can’t we all get along”, even though it would be nice if we could sometimes, or at least be less obnoxious, I’m more saying “can’t we all focus our vicious zeal on those who really have it coming, i.e. the lying bastards from all parties who screw us over whenever they have the good fortune to get into power”?

Is it too much to ask?

In a rather amusing email a dear friend of mine sent me recently, he said: “I think the decrease in the average IQ of the voting public dropped considerably when several states in the south removed evolution from their text books and then again when survivor came out. The continuing dumbing down of America is as frustrating as trying to clean a child’s dirty face.” This kind of humour and insight is why I consider Herb one of my best friends, even though we no longer live in the same country and we have what I call a pot-kettle relationship.. but that’s another story.

Last night after returning home from an early dinner, I was flipping through my digital TV guide, and these shows were ALL on last night at 9 PM.

THE LITTLEST GROOM — Bravo Channel — Reality TV show which aims to find the perfect partner for vertically challenged salesman Glen Foster.

ROAD RAJA — SkyOne — Series in which six celebrities take part in a series of transport tasks in Mumbai. In this episode, the contestants attempt to master the rickshaw.

THE FARM — Channel Five — Reality show set on a farm. Our celebrities have settled into the farming life, but it’s much tougher than expected.

I’M FAMOUS AND FRIGHTENED 3 — Living TV — Live paranormal reality programme, in which a group of celebrities put the nerves to the test by spending the weekend in a haunted Dover castle.

WIFE SWAP — E4 — Award winning reality show in which wives swap their husbands, children, and homes for two weeks.

THE GREAT LOVE SWINDLE – E4 (This show followed wife swap, and came on at 10, rather than 9 like the rest of the programmes…. but it was just strange enough I thought it worth including) Four bachellors compete to win a holliday in Miami by getting a girl to say “I love you” in just 5 dates… but the girls are plants and in on the competition.

So, dear friend and readers, I’d like you to think about these programs, their rather broad definitions of both the words “entertainment” and “celebrity”, and then imagine the public at large watching, enjoying, and absorbing these programs…. and then going out and voting.

Herb… I’m sorry to say…it’s not just America that’s getting dumbed down.

(This post first appeared on my Bitter Women Humor Blog.)